yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
