I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
