tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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