Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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