Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
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I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
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definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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