Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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