My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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