I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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