some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
