She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
How external is "for external use only"?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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