just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
