i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
