she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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