i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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