I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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