I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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