Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
