Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
