u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
