sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
