They should really pass out barf bags in church
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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