I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
