I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
