Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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