Apparently you make a good broom.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
