but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
