Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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