im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He better not be in your backpack
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
