I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
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I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
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Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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