Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
