Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
