i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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