I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
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Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
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