I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
