dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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