I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
