Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
