if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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