I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
third nipple confirmed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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