Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
