My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
