don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
