i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
