Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Even the bartender felt bad for me
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I have aggressive nipples.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
