no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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