I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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