We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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