i was born a porn star she said
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
