6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
