JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
