I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
