She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
