I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
