"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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