she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
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doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
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Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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