R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
