Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
