They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
