Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
