i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
