Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
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Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
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I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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