Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
