how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
