Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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