Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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