And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
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He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
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Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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