He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I need a beard to bite.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
