someone get that fucking seahorse.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
