pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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